I have had a very difficult time maintaining my blog this year. It is not for lack of things to write about or talk about. In many cases I have been distracted by other things or the things I want to write about, I don’t feel free to write about for various reasons.
During this time, I have been thinking hard about where this blog is going. I started the blog in 2007 to have a place to write and be read by others as a discipline. God has given me a gift in writing and I want to use it for him. In fact, I have always wanted to do more with my writing. This blog was a “first attempt” at putting myself out there more and developing a good practice for consistent writing and publishing.
Ive never considered anything I write to be all that profound. I typically write about the things I am observing in life around me… hence the title “My Living Canvas” and the sub-titles: God, Marriage, Music, Missions and Life as I know it. What I am finding now is that I am moving into a new season of life and I am struggling to fit my life observations into these categories. Over the years I have added a few categories as new interests take shape, such as, cooking, travel and running. Now I am feeling like the blog is fragmented… it seems to me to be very self indulgent and kind of all over the place. And for some reason, this realization is unsettling to me. I know for many folks, a blog is like an online journal of sorts. And I can agree that in most cases my blog has been just that. But if I am being honest, I feel like I want something more out of this blog than just an online journal. I really want to make an impact with my writing, and I really want God to use my writing for his plans and purposes. I really dont see how an online journal is going to accomplish that.
At the same time I don’t want to pigeonhole myself into one or two narrow categories because 1. I would get bored fast and 2. I dont have enough to say about only a few specific topics. Thats the thing about me, I know a little about a lot of things, I don’t know a lot about a few things. The phrase a mile long and an inch deep comes to mind. I definitely think deep and long and hard about all kinds of things, but am I really qualified to speak about such things? I am surely NOT an expert in anything except my personal, historical life story… my attempts and my failures, my successes and my regrets. All I can claim to be an expert in is my own fallen and sin-filled humanness. So what right do I have to talk about any other topics?
I want to write about all of my various interests and experiences. From music, travel, cooking and books, to life lessons learned in marriage or through work and church and trying to maintain my easygoing southern roots in a city that will chew you up and spit you out before you know what hit you. I want to be free to write about what I learned in therapy last week and what I learned from Food Network all in the same blog. I want to share the journey Ive been on recently, processing what it means to be a MOM at 34 after 3 decades of selfishness, how in the world to fit a third person into our 760 square foot one bedroom apartment and what it means to really live out the example of the Proverbs 31 woman in how I reorder my life and priorities now as a new mom.
Is that even possible to write about all these things on one blog? Do I start multiple blogs? Or do I just keep writing my hodge-podge online journal and justify it with a catch all title like My Living Canvas?
These are the things that have been swirling in my mind. These are the thoughts that have kept me from really engaging on my blog.
So I thought to myself, why not put all this out there and see what happens. These are the things on my mind. And I thought that maybe by putting this out there I may get some feedback that will help me move to the next level in my writing, wherever that may be. What I would really love is to write a kind of memoir or even a fictional story based on my experiences. I just can’t figure out a story line for either genre.
An interesting side note, when I started blogging, my hand written journaling decreased dramatically. Over the last 3 or 4 years I have not filled up ONE journal. This year, however, I have been writing in my journal A LOT more and am 3/4 through one of those super thick Barnes and Noble leather bound journals. The conversations have been more personal, prayers between God and me. These times have been good. And I don’t have any problem sharing my journal here, I am just struggling to identify the purpose or the goal of my blog and if all that even fits here anymore.
This has been a very “stream of consciousness” blog post. I would love any ideas or thoughts from my friends on this. A new blog title? A new approach? Just delete the whole thing and call it a day?
My heart in all of this is that I love to write. I want to write more. I want what I write to have meaning and Lord willing, impact the world around me with the message of Jesus.
I want to be free to write truthfully about the deep and meaningful experiences the Lord has taken me through… testimonies of His healing and sanctifying work in my life… And about the random, seemingly meaningless, happy little bright sides of life, like sprinkles on a cupcake you don’t really need them but everyone loves them.
Searching for the point… if you have any ideas I would love to hear them.