You Want to Know What I REALLY Think?

Probably  not.  People in my profession are excellent at two things, selling ideas and providing solutions.  At our worst we are spin doctors who are likely to tell you what you WANT to hear.  I am really working hard to STOP DOING THAT.

I know so many of you, genuinely and sincerely want to hear about Kenya.  You want to know how God worked and how we are different.  You deserve to know how God used your generous support of our team to make a HUGE impact in a very remote, extremely poor area, for the glory of God.

But right now, I am not yet ready to tell those stories.  I told them on video, but I struggle to put the stories to words.

You see, I am afraid I am going to tell you what you want to hear.

For me, I struggle with saying what I really think.  I think alot of crazy stuff.  I am always looking around and observing life.  I have alot of observations.  I think if I started saying what I really think, things would change and I dont know if I want change.   No, thats not exactly true.  I want change, I just dont want transition.

The catch is this:   I am not sure anyone wants to hear my observations.  They want to hear about the trip.  This is right, and good, and appropriate!  I am not saying anything to the contrary.  I am saying that when I try to talk about the trip, the thoughts and words that come to mind are different that what you and even I am expecting.

Over the years I have learned to filter.  Thoughts pop in my mind and most of the time I can turn the filter on soon enough before they pop out of my mouth.  Now, my thoughts are not negative, at least not always, if my thoughts are negative they are generally directed toward me or my work.  But for the most part, my thoughts are just… Unusual.  Unique.  Different.  Strange!

So I dont know what to do with these thoughts.  I have wanted to write some thoughts here at my living canvas, but I have not.  I have actually been writing more in my journal over the last 4 weeks than I have since I started this blog over a year ago.  Ive been turning to the private anonymity of my personal journal to tell God what I really think.  I bet he gets a good laugh every time.

There really is no point to this rant.   I have just felt like I need to say something here, because I know several have asked about the mission trip and want to know stories.  I want to tell some stories.  But right now, I am having trouble making sense of what I am thinking about the trip, and I dont want to say anything until I have some things figured out.

So I can tell you some stories, journo-style, about what God did, how he worked through us, and next steps we plan to take.  So I will try to start there.  Maybe somewhere in those posts, I will figure out how to say what I really think…

About Poverty, Justice, Inconsistency, Sin, Grace, Unconditional Unfailing Love, Disease, Education, Corruption, Access, Unalienable Rights, Worship, Idolatry, Authenticity, Priorities, and Time…. just to name a FEW.

Right now, this is all I know for sure: I am back from my 6th short term mission trip.  I have a PASSION to see God worshiped in places where he is currently not being worshiped.  I have a PASSION to see the Church become a Global Church where the stronger brothers and sisters can come alongside the weaker brothers and sisters and support/empower/equip them to carry out the ministries God has called them to within the context of their own communities.  And I have a PASSION, as a member of the “western church” to sit at the feet of my African, Indonesian, and Middle Eastern brothers and sisters and LEARN.  I have so much to learn from them.

So there you have it.  A quick glimpse of how I am processing my experience in Kenya.  If you think of it, say a prayer for me as I continue striving to make sense out of all these thoughts.

Love you all.

One Comment Add yours

  1. Karin says:

    Thanks for being real. Be true to who you are. There is no rush to share- take time, process, let God do this work in you. He has created you uniquely to be and experience Kenya exactly as you did. I appreciate your struggle and am continuing to pray for this road you are walking.
    It is good, God is good.

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